A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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