I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
