I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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