you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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