let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
