we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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