What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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