Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
