K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
