I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
