I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hippo gnu deer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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