im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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