I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
should my penis look like a turkey
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
