I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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