You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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