unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
