also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
