His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
