sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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