i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
