So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
