No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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