Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
