I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she pinky promised me she was 18
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
