Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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