Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
