She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your penis caused this!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
