they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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