I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
