since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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