Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Randomize