I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
