i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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