Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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