that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
