So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
