better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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