i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.