i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
