I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
