What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
