i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...