my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Well I just put wine in my tea
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I said "one day" and that day is not today