i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.