So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
