i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
