i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was born a porn star she said
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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