if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
