Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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