i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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