I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
