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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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