She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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