I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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