Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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