the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
