I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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