Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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