Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
