Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize