under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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