yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
