I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
