Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
