you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize