I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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