do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
