don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
