me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
