i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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