I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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