yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
