Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
