The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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